Like Moths To Flame

Today is a day of being broken; a bittersweet breaking. My innermost being is being blended up like food processor, it’s way uncomfortable but way necessary. I’ve been praying, seeking, and asking for the Lord to reveal himself to me in a powerful way. He is answering my prayers, maybe not in the order I thought, but he is nonetheless. Being at the bottom of a cold dark pit for far too long with a way to get out this whole time, but finding comfort and contentment in the darkness, not being stretched by others, not having to be transparent to the close people in my life. But, my time is up, it’s time to start my upward climb into the light, and into a better understanding of my calling in him.

I understand that the more we desire to be content in the Lord, the more Satan fights to get us distracted on our own misery and hardship. I desire to live a live of thankfulness and freedom that I have in Christ, to be used and to be a tool for Him to complete his work. I leave myself vulnerable all to often for the enemy to get a foothold or a lid on the dark compartments in my heart. I get beat down with self doubt, with sickness that comes from being self consumed, and with an attitude of knowing that my faith is little and not worth a lick. But, as a friend told me today, it’s not about how small or little our faith is but how big and faithful our Lord Jesus Christ is. Life isn’t about what we can do or say to be right with God, but what Christ has done and said to us and for us. It’s a complete mind switch of what I have known for 30 years of my life.

Too many times I catch myself complaining about something that is relatively menial or trivial. How many times do I say things like, ‘I don’t have enough money’, ‘Why do other people seem to have a stronger faith than I do?’, ‘My car is a hunk of junk, I want a new one,’ or ‘I have too much to do but too little time to do it all.’ But, I am sick and tired of being complacent and full of excuses that I am disgusted to look in the mirror sometimes. Thankfulness is a gift that we have that seldom gets the focus it needs. Being thankful should be a way of life or an attitude that we practice everyday.

While driving in my car, on this day before Thanksgiving; the lyrics of the song Like Moths To Flame by Thrice seeped into my heart and continued this breaking process.

“Once again these bitter herbs the perfect compliment to all your cryptic words I nod but don’t know what to say, but I know you and I believe you’re who you say you are so I? I will follow you, lay down my life I would die for you, this very night once again the bread and wine but it seems the meanings may be deeper still this time and you surprised me when you said I’d fall away, don’t you know me I could never be ashamed of you, no I? I’ve never been this cold, the fire’s gravity compels like planets cling to soul, I feel my orbit start to fail like moths to flame I come, too close and all my oaths are burned as stars begin to run, all my accusers take their turn and calling curses down, from my lips lies like poison spill and then that awful sound, the sound of prophesy fulfilled and then I met your eyes, and I remember everything and something in me dies, the night that I betrayed my king.”

It talks about the truth of the Lord and what it means to live a life of faith in the unseen. ‘I will follow you, lay down my life, I would die for you, this very night,’ is such a powerful sentiment. Most likely God will not require us to die for him but I think what this means is to take this life seriously and realize it’s not all about us. It’s about the truth and the powerful faithfulness of our Creator, Father, Author and Perfector of our lives.–This leads me to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to grip my life that I would live for meaning and purpose and truth. No more lies, no more complacent laziness. “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” – John 15:12-15

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